finger food and a wail

I am a monster

or at least that's how i feel right now. we went out for sushi today and i jammed Hayden's tiny hand between the adjustable handles of her stroller - AS I WAS ADJUSTING - and almost snapped off her poor little fingers. i have to say that she cried much louder when she was born but today she compensated for the lower volume by increasing the amount of anguish and woe in her keening; she'd been mistreated, and she knew it. her fat tears and heart-rending sobs nearly broke my heart. here she is a few hours later, tending to her injury and contemplating what a klutz of a mother she has.

actually, truth be told, she only cried for about 5 minutes, and came away from the trauma with nothing more than a red & swollen hand, but i - i aged about 5 years in that time and hours later am still twitching and shaking. my friend mary, the one exception to my previous reference to "middle-aged women who hate children", tried to soothe my tortured soul by regaling me with stories of how she bumped and bruised her own offspring - but it was a lackluster balm. i still feel like a shitty, reckless parent. i'll probably strangle puppies in my dreams tonight ...

but ... regardless of my clumsy parenting, Hayden is still smiling and grinning and laughing so i'm guessing that there are no hard feelings on her part. and! about her smiles:

because i didn't want my tender and sensitive husband to feel left out i gently broke the news to him that our daughter has been smiling at me (me, me, me, me) for a week or so. in response, mr. lee gave me a very relieved grin and said "oh good! she's been smiling at me for two weeks but i was afraid to tell you ... ".

hm. this news makes me wonder about Hayden, the sassy poppet. she just might be playing games with us. anyhoo. the meandering mr. lee is actually in thailand right now (on vacation, with his best friend, it was a seat sale and yes, i'm jealous but he's promised to take me to bora bora next year) so posting on this blog will be more difficult than usual, since i have to wait until Hayden is veeerrry deeply asleep in my arms before i can attempt to transfer her to her crib. and then blogging comes in direct conflict with other fun things like, oh, eating, showering and doing laundry.

if i could though, i'd be posting everyday and talking all about Hayden and our lopsided, beautiful little life here in korea. things will be back to normal in august but for now here's a fun little love song. i was thinking about uploading Stiff Little Fingers but honestly, i'm too traumatized to joke about fingers anymore. maybe next week ...

Kite Flying Society - if i could (link broken, sorry)

toothless wonder

news flash:wee girl smiles at mother

yes, it's true! Hayden-perfect-fusion-baby smiled at me a few days ago. and, no, it wasn't just gas. she SMILED for real, and then chortled and smiled again. and i, of course, positively dissolved into a pile of sap-stricken awe and then proceeded to make a total arse of myself by trying to get her to do it again, and again, and again. i suspect that she might think i'm a bit of a loon, what with all the singing and dancing and chin-clucking and dimple-rubbing i got on with. she was probably thinking something like: "what? you want 3 smiles in a row? and just for that pathetic belly-rub? come ON, lady! ... " or something to that effect.

anyway, in previous posts i've gone on about Hayden's stellar development (she eats, she sleeps, she frets when she wants something, she likes to move, she frets when she's alone, she eats and sleeps and grunts and coos and warbles and so on ...) and truly, i do think that everything she does is fetching and remarkable - but THIS, this smiling business, has taken me to new heights of ecstasy. i'm an absolute dithering idiot, and it feels soooo good.

her mouth, btw, whether smiling or unsmiling, is unmistakably shorn from DNA from her father's side of the familial fence. of course, there's no doubt in anyone's mind whose loins she sprung from but if there were cause for speculation this new trend in korean research would take care of the matter in a jiffy. apparently suspicious fathers can now order an online kit, complete with cotton swabs, to test the paternity of their offspring. the results are returned to customers after only 12 hours. i think the most interesting part of this story is the fact that DNA testing institutes are in such demand that, as of april, there were 162 of them in korea.

the implications of this are mind-boggling. and, well, just a bit ... durty, hmmm?

so. in honour of all this torrid debauchery i thought the following two bands rather appropriate - as well as being a welcome change from the nice&quiet Mp3s of previous posts. enjoy!!

Sons & Daughters - awkward duet
Brothers & Sisters - breathing lessons

... oh, this bloggy spot is experiencing a bit of a facelift. i got tired of the green so i'm currently playing around with colours and fonts, etc. should be all mended soon ...