ain't nothing like the real thing, baby

Hyden has decided to go on strike.

not a full nursing strike, which has happened briefly once or twice before, but a plastic-nipple-on-the-plastic-bottle kind of strike. and she has SUCH bad timing because i go back to work in three days. for those of you not around to have the privilege of seeing me sporting my new C-cup nursing bra and swinging my faux-leather breast-milking bag, this is the way it goes: i run off to do errands a few times a week, stuff that mr. lee simply can't do for me, and he stays home with Hayden. before i go, i just express 4-6 ounces of milk, pour it into a bottle and it's ready to be warmed up whenever the fruit of our conjugal bliss decides that she is HUNGRYrightNOW!

because we knew that i have to start teaching again in september we have been fairly diligent in foisting the tasteless teats upon our wee one, at least two or three times a week. she has never really enjoyed the bottles - but after a bit of coaxing and a few hunger pangs she has always acquiesced. and as i've mentioned before, she is gaining [incredible amounts of] weight even though she rarely eats in the night time. so we've just been breezing contentedly along: a bit of booby here & a bit of bottle there - and things have been working so well that we were starting to worry that she was channeling dead sumo wrestlers, or something*. until a few days ago.

suddenly she hates the bottle, she hates the milk inside it and she wails at the hand that is trying to feed it to her. i'm sure the fathers (and probably most men) out there can appreciate what this is doing to mr. lee's confidence and - forgive me if this sounds trite - his self-esteem. when i came home this evening i only had to glance at Hayden's red puffy eyes and my better half's grim face to know that they had been battling again. the bottle was virtually untouched and the poor poppet hadn't eaten in 4 hours. and she had cried for 20 minutes before hiccupping herself into a hungry silence. this is really not like my baby! my baby doesn't cry!

now, because i live on campus, and i have a fairly lax schedule with big gaps between classes, i'm not really worried about Hayden's health deteriorating. in fact, the child could probably survive all winter on the fat she has stored up under her chin, but i am a) curious as to why this swift and sullen change has come about and b) worried about the heart-bruising effect this is having on mr. lee's ego. and that's probably the first time in my life i have used the word 'worried' in relation to a man's ego without following it up with a crude punch line.

but i am worried because my brave husband has decided to thwart conventionality, rebel against his confucian roots and give the domestic finger to hordes of his disapproving aunties by staying home with Hayden while i work. this is something he wants to do - but it was difficult for him to tell his family - and it has resulted in a fair amount of stress for him. i'll post more on this stay-at-home-dad business later because i know that a lot of people are curious about

How I Convinced My Korean Husband To Stay Home With The Baby

but for now i just want to express (!) my concern over this titty snafu: he was understandably a little worried about Stay@Home Dadding before Hayden rejected the bottle and now, with this new development, he's starting to really wonder if maybe all the naysayers aren't correct after all. damn the naysayers! damn them! or, alternately, if you're not into damnation and tarnation (which is just fine) then at least cross your fingers and pray to the gods of plastic teats that Hayden will rekindle her acceptance of the rubber me. and ... i'll try to keep you abreast of the situation. heh. sorry.

and now for love. True Love. i was tempted to upload some air supply songs but i thought that these might be a tad bit more interesting.

The Magnetic Fields - book of love.
The Mountain Goats - no divorce.
Iron & Wine - such great heights.

werd outte ~

*thanks to baby ivo's mom for the channeling reference. her baby does lawrence of arabia!

take that, happy snobs!

so korea may be lagging way behind other countries in terms of happiness - but what they lack in cheerfulness they make up in monetary glut. according to researchers at the University of Michigan, by the year 2015 korea will rank #6 in terms of "per-capita GDP in purchasing power parity", and they are currently ranked #8 in terms of economic growth between 1975 and 2002. here's another map for you, resized to show how countries would look if they were shaped according to their pocketbooks and shopping lists. the big green giants down there are taiwan, china (& hong kong) and korea. the complete story can be found here.

and in (semi) related news, a huge bowl (vat?) of bibimbap was created today in jeon ju, a nice wee city in north cholla province well-known 4 culinary creativity with sticky rice and veggies. apparently this rice bowl is big enough to feed 1000 people. that's 200 kilograms of rice, folks, and it is my opinion that they should send all that rice and radish to the hungry people in those poor countries mentioned above. then everyone would be happier and the map from last month's post wouldn't look so skewed! and i'm only half-joking about that. simplify, simplify.

oh, to be benevolent dictator of my own country: "a radish in every pot" ...

and for today, just one song, but it's a pretty dreamy one. The Maps - lost my soul.

better with firefox ...

wellHI

one of my students asked me yesterday to explain the origin of the expression "can i have a raincheck?". it was a good question and although i couldn't answer it, it did result in a robust brain-storming session for english expressions containing the word (or pertaining to) water. the most common of which is probably: "it never rains but it pours". and let me tell you (pull up a chair, have a seat) it really has been pouring bad luck for me in Blogsville lately; a veritable tropical monsoon, overflowing the banks of Shit Creek. and i, of course, put my paddle somewhere, but i can't find it*.

very quickly, let me just say that, first, my blog template somehow became incompatible with Internet Explorer. i'm aware that browser compatibility issues are a salient and relevant issue in modern cyberspace - but i'm really annoyed to find myself confronted with it. because, i just want to write about my baby. and my husband. and my life in korea. and upload some mp3s. and some photos. and have a nice background with little text chunks that flicker and change colours when the mouse hovers over. and ... you know. everything else. i guess i want too much for a girl who can't even remember what CSS stands for. but anyway, today i discovered that my links won't ... link ... AND that the spel cheker iz bruken. hopefully it'll all be figured out soon!

all this soggy bad luck has brought out the paranoid in me and left me wondering if this isn't like, you know: a sign, a message, a warning, a gentle nudge and a tap on my shoulder - telling me to bugger off with blogging and just write individual emails, for chrisssakes! or, to lurk quietly around the internet, fine, but to stop trying to make my own little special corner. stuff like that. i think it's time to conclude that 17 years of catholic schooling and a degree in religious studies has not helped me to become a more trusting individual. i still think that god may not exist, but if he does - he hates me and is trying to prevent me from blogging. all paranoid narcissism for sure.

but. i'm not the only one pondering Big Questions these days. i was listening to my mp3 player a few days ago and i came across a bunch of songs that i usually skip through frantically. but this time i didn't. i didn't skip through them and i think they should be passed on, twangy guitars and fake drawls and everything. worried that god doesn't exist/doesn't love you/expects you to be perfect? well, american indie rockers wonder the same thing, albeit in different ways! here are some vintage angst-and-honey-coated locust snacks. perfect for late august...

Jenny Lewis, child-actress-turned-indie-rocker (frontlady for the band Rilo Kiley) has all grown up and released a solo album with the Watson Twins. when i first heard this cd i felt oddly ... proud. listening to all the pretty little melodies, filled with grown-up woes and mature resolutions was almost like seeing my little sister wear a bra for the first time or pronounce the word 'exacerbate' without stumbling. anyway, it's good, and can be sampled here: Jenny Lewis - born secular.

Neko Case, from the New Pornographers, Cub, Maow and the Sadies, just to name a few, shows off her fondness for gospel singing & spirituals here. ("john saw that number"). and her VOICE, my god. this intro was recorded in the stairwell of a Toronto pub and it. gives. me. the. shivers. also, i like the juxtaposition between the swaying melody and the serious story. mmmmm, munching cicada.

and. Clem Snide isn't about to die for anyone's sins. but he will be your friend. Clem Snide - messiah complex blues.

enjoy the songs and remember - god is always watching you. at least, that's what my dad says.

and finally, FINALLY. i'm pleased to report that Hayden Perfect Fusion Baby has been granted canadian citizenship, has been issued a passport and is now, i'd wager, the youngest and fattest canadian expat in korea. here she is smiling at the prospect of getting screeched-in next summer. yes b'y. i don't like to use the flash on the camera (her eyes! her delicate eyes ... ) so most of these snapshots are a bit blurry. but of course it's still possible to see how beautiful she is. i defy you to differ ...

*it's probably in the freezer behind the sunglasses

tag, i'm IT!

Whoops

well, if I haven't scared away all, what, ... 10 people who read my blog then i'll be a pig's liver. or a cow's pajamas. or whatever that expression is. is there anyone out there?

it seems that i've been fiddling around with my template and - somehow - i fiddled with the wrong tags or html or whathaveyou and caused my blog to be utterly incompatible with the Big Blue E. Alllll around the globe people have been emailing and informing me that MY blog causes THEIR internet explorer to shut down.

i feel so evil.

anyway, i guess for now i can say:

1. i deleted the poison template and have started over, testing each bit - bit by bit. slow going, but i think it will work.

2. i really, deeply apologize for crashing your browsers.

3. here are some songs. safe to download, i promise. and, it's not an exact science but the titles are supposed to reflect how i feel about this blog-eating-browser business.

Eartha Kitt - evil.

Camera Obscura - suspended from class.

Elliott Smith - needle in the hay.

i'll be back soon with real posts, real news and a clean template. promise!

nothing to do with japan

my grinning thanks to moka for this. please don't hate me.

plane & simple

i love this. where else in the world would an airplane take off for a destination and forget the crew behind? for a complete story, click here - but i'm sure you all know i'm not talking about denmark.

there's really something kind of endearing about this story, something that makes me shake my head and say 'oh, korea'. it's similar to the reaction i have when my sister loses her wallet - again - for the fourth time in a year - and appears genuinely baffled at how it keeps happening. or, i suspect, similar to the reaction my darling mr. lee has when he finds his sunglasses the freezer - behind the canned tuna - and then has to listen to his wife argue vehemently that she has NO IDEA how they got there. sort of ... amazed and amused and annoyed, all mixed together.

all joking and nudging and playful winking aside though (oh, those wacky koreans) this recent event in korean aero-dramatics is a big improvement from the way things used to be. in the 20 year period from 1979 to 1999, over eight hundred people died in Korean Air flight disasters and as recently as 7 years ago President Kim Dae Jung publicly shat on Korean Air for putting "growth and profits ahead of safety". they had one of the worst track records of all time - what with planes running out of fuel in mid-flight, pilots and co-pilots bickering and fighting over honorifics, planes plummeting into shanghaian suburbs because of "misunderstandings and miscommunication with the tower" and getting shot down by Soviet fighter planes - due to "a considerable degree of lack of alertness and attentiveness on the part of the flight crew." .... and so on, and so on. really terrible stuff, really.

all this information can be found here. and here. and - just so i don't get accused of anti-korean sentiment or of pulling information from my bum - here also. but my pollyanna point is mainly this: being left behind isn't all that bad, when you put it in perspective! and also this: gd, koreans can make change happen faster than you can say 'bballi bballi". just a few years after their public thrashing, Korean Air was winning awards and accolades for their financial performance, superb catering and swift service. go figure.

i quizzed mr. lee on this strange turn of events and he said that korean businesses generally like to cut corners and do things the easiest way - but as soon as someone dies they start fixing problems.

oh. i see.

anyway, around here we hate plane crashes but we DO love music. we also like themes - so here are three songs about airplanes and our lovely celestial sphere:

bishop allen is a new-ish band from brooklyn, ny, and i like the way their music makes me ... pause ... and tilt my head and tap my toes - and then tell my friends. so, take a listen and if you like it you can hit their website and listen to "click, click, click" & "charm school", two other great tracks. Bishop Allen - flight 180.

next i give you neutral milk hotel! yay! as anyone who has had the (dubious?) honour of receiving one of my mixed tapes/cds knows, i'm a long-time, wide-eyed devotee of NMH. but, a la Reading Rainbow: you don't have to take MY word for it. Neutral Milk Hotel - in the aeroplane over the sea.

and finally:

Of Montreal - a cloud crashes. these guys are not from montreal but i think i read somewhere that frontman Kevin Barnes was once dumped by a girl from montreal - which is even more interesting, in my opinion. i like these guys for the same reason i like NMH: head-bopping, hand-clapping melodies matched with dark and desperate lyrics. listening to their songs is sort of like being at the circus, having fun, eating cotton candy, you know - and then suddenly realizing that everyone around you is lost and depressed. rather sick, actually. this track ("a cloud crashes") is a bit cheerful though, so it's safe for depressed people, new mothers, brides-to-be and hitchhikers. and you all know who you are.

sooooo. enjoy the music and the new blog style (it's ALMOST finished - and do you like it??) comments and suggestions are always welcome. check back soon for more photos of hayden and a long list of her wonderous new accomplishments - and hopefully a snapshot or two of my new nephew (still nameless?) - the latest perfect italian-canadian fusion baby from the king-murphy-roti (TM) international contingent. ...

maybe we should start our own circus! ...

colouring inside the lines ...

this explains so much.

apparently happiness can be mapped.


(credit to Adrian White, University of Leiceter (2006)

Adrian White is, in my opinion, the coolest analytic social psychologist at the University of Lieiceter’s School of Psychology. although that may not be a tall order. by analyzing data published by UNESCO, the CIA, the New Economics Foundation, the WHO, the Veenhovens Database, the Latinbarometer, the Afrobarometer, and the UNHDR, (i don't even know what that is!) he has created a global projection of subjective well-being: the first world map of happiness. participants in the studies (over 80,000 people in 100 surveys worldwide) were asked questions related to happiness and satisfaction with life - and the data analyzed in relation to health, wealth and access to education. his study will be published in a psychology journal this september & will be presented at a conference later in the year. for an interactive/flash version of the map click here

now, i tend to think that this map should be of interest to everyone, since i don't know too many people who are indifferent to the idea of being happy, or rather, what makes some of us so, and others not so. it's nice to know that it may be more than just a combination of genetic dissposition, biochemicals, crappy parenting & fate. according to this dude - money, health and education are very important factors. yeah, i know - that seems obvious - but there are some surprises here. for example, people living in northern europe have a greater chance of being happy than people in, say, japan. or germany. or korea.

yeap, that's right. korea ranked, sadly, #102 out of 178 countries. i think it might have something to do with the terrible heat we have in august; it's certainly making me wonky. other rankings that might be of interest to people who read this blog are:

denmark: #1
iceland: #4
canada!: #10
usa: #23
australia: #26
uk: #41
italy: #50
france: #62
japan: #90
korea #102

jeeez. #102 is pretty harsh. maybe i should re-think my plan to stay in korea and get out while i still have a soul? or, maybe, what the world really needs is more good music.

so, in honour of all that should be, i give you: two happy songs and one happy luuuv song. these songs are meant 'special' for amber and katie in Canada (#10, ladies!) who are soon to be hitched. and for everyone else: go ahead, dance - and then feel someone up. it's on me ...

The Boy Least Likely To - glad i hitched my apple wagon to your star
Ben Lee - catch my disease
Sanders Bohlke - til my days are through

the sound of one hand...

i hereby swear to the gods of bogging that i shall update this space more frequently.

trying to write a two-week update with a baby in one arm is a ve-ry daunting task, and not one that i want to repeat anytime soon. short snippits summarizing the dramas of a single week or a few days might be easier. and by 'easier' i also mean easier on hayden who has been bored silly by my hunting and pecking and justifiably annoyed at the way her universe (currently the crook of my left arm) keeps shifting and moving. here she is looking bored and annoyed...

dum de dum de dum ...

anyway, on with the abridged version of my real life: first of all, mr. lee returned from his thailand journey and furnished hayden and i with an embarrassing amount of loot: jewelry, frocks, lewd tee shirts, photos frames, vases, silk scarves, incense, curry paste packets, teddy bears and booze and so on. it makes me wonder if he's feeling guilty about anything, and yet i'm *so* occupied with playing with my goodies that i keep forgetting to interrogate him properly. smart man, that mr. lee.

only a day or two after his lavish return we ventured off to the Industrial Capital of Korea for a smog-coated weekend of family kowtowing. it was the anniversary of mr. lee's paternal grandfather's death, and as convoluted as that sounds, i can safely say that the reality was even more so. we spent saturday night at his family home, basically hanging around huge mountains of mummified fish, chestnuts and pears (food for his grandfather's spirit) and periodically jumping up to greet and bow to other family members who were arriving by the carload. in the end there was a huge rabble of people and much eating and drinking and spilling of food and oooing and awwwing over hayden went on.

hayden, as the newest family member and the first great grandchild, collected a fat wallet full of money, was stripped naked several times, was poked and prodded - and even stepped on once (accidentally of course). also, much to my ... chagrin, and to mr. lee's delight, we were also given wads of cash AND my lactating breasts were prodded and squeezed and plucked at and generally met with much approval from the ajumas. i was secretly mortified but i just gritted my teeth and imagined that i was a tired porn star working overtime: i pretended it was great fun and wondered how i would spend the money*. finally, at 12:00 am - which is apparently when the ghosts of dead ancestors return to visit - we all took turns performing our jaesaw (bowing) to an altar of food and drink and incense. i'm not sure if all korean families require different bows from men and women - but my in-laws certainly do - and i failed miserably at this seemingly simple task. i didn't quite fall on my face during my deep waisted curtsy - but i almost did. grace i have not.

all of this was a complete surprise to me (not that i almost fell, but everything else was) because when i asked mr. lee what i should expect from our weekend in ulsan he said something like "oh, you know, just food and some bowing" so i actually thought that he meant just food. and some bowing. i didn't anticipate 30 or 40 people, a quasi-confucian ceremony with an altar of smoke and booze, frolicking until 3 am and an endless stream of well-meaning aunties who wanted to see whether or not my daughter has a 'mongolian spot' and whether or not my breasts were full of milk. but, anyway, i survived, i didn't divorce my husband and consequently i think i've just entered into the 4th stage of cultural adjustment. again.

and finally, hayden's own journey down the path of stages: over the past few days she's started really mimicking sounds and will 'listen-and-repeat' the following noises: haaaaiiii, mmmaaaaaa, ahhh-ooo and waa-ooooo. the concentration and effort this requires from her is comical; she listens very intently and then opens her mouth into a huge O and - with eyes watering and bulging - forces the same sound from her own body. i've studied language acquisition before but this real-time-real-baby experience is just slaying me! she's a genius! i've created an Einstein! she's brilliant! she can say "waaa-ooo"!!

also! she had her two-month checkup a few days ago and ... it appears that my daughter is ... well ... a bit of a porker. she's fat. she's rolly-polly, she's pudgy-chubby. she weighs over 14 pounds (that's 6.5 kilos and exactly double her birth weight) and she's only 9 weeks old. this surprises me because although i nurse her 'on demand' she doesn't seem to eat huge quantities, or very often. in fact, for the first month i was worried because she would only wake up once or twice a night for her feedings - and for the last few weeks has actually been sleeping from 12 AM until 7 or 8 AM without eating at all. i know this doesn't win me brownie points with other parents who can't relate to my nocturnal comfort - but frankly i was a little alarmed at how little she actually consumed. and i still am. maybe she has a secret stash of milk hidden in her crib or a cute wet-nurse hidden away somewhere. anyway, our doctor says not to worry because she's healthy and happy. and obviously thriving. and here she is thriving - fatly. i love her.

and speaking of love. lately hayden and i have been listening to a lot of Nathaniel Mayer. about a year ago Fat Possum Records released I Just Want to be Held, which is an absolute gem of a disk. nathaniel mayer dates back to 1960 or so when we wrote the doo-wop hit 'village of love', at the age of 17 or 18. 'village' is not my favourite but his subsequent attempts "leave me alone" (1963) and "i want love and affection (not the house of correction)" (1966) caught me firmly by the heart strings and the boot straps. nathaniel mayer is now 60 million years old and a lifetime of booze and cigarettes make his (originally crusty) voice sound like gravel - but it's a loud, strong gravel - and good enough to dance on. a bit of funk, a bit of surf, a bit of blues and rock make this one of the best albums i own**. you can buy it here and sample it here:

Nataniel Mayer - you are the one.
Nataniel Mayer - leave me alone.
Nataniel Mayer - stick it or lick it.

and also, hayden and i agree with him: we just want to be held too!

hope everyone has a good day and i'll be back soon with more photos and more news from our little love den in korea. annyong-hi kashipshio!

*joke.

** this disc actually belongs to a mr. christopher linton in ulsan. i can't find him but if anyone out there knows of him or his whereabouts - please let me know. i have his musc!