Saving Private Face

"It's not you, it's me".

I know I've said those words to people before and what I meant was : "you suck". Or, " I don't like you" or "I don't want to be with you" or "I don't want to be friends" or "I have changed my mind" or "please remove your hand", "drink poison, dirtbag" and/or any number of other defensive or derogatory things that my mother taught me are just rude and insensitive to say. Hence the: "I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me" comment. I got to be left alone and the person who was about to find an Exit sign got to save a bit of face. It worked well with romantic tangles and unhealthy friendships in high school and university - but things are different now.

This time I really meant it. Just a few weeks ago as I looked at Hayden through bleary eyes, my brain was filled with a thousand mini explosions of pain all begging - no screaming - for sleep, my bones felt like they were made of cement, my stomach was lurching in a nauseous tango and, really, really - I felt a moment of wild paranoia in which I was sure someone, somewhere, hated me and wanted me to suffer. I briefly considered calling in sick. But I didn't and as I peered at my sweet, beautiful, ray-of-sunshine Hayden grinning and bouncing in bed next to me, I thought: "I'm sorry. It's not you. It's me".

And it was me. I was overworked, overtired, overextended and overloaded. And something had to change because I obviously wasn't winning any Super Mom, Super Teacher, Super Grad Student or Super Wife awards over here. In fact I was starting to resemble a raccoon and I began walking with a mysterious limp and developed an odd tic in my eye. REALLY WEIRD!

So.

I quit blogging for a few weeks, started taking some vitamins, begged my darling husband for more help, slept a bit more and, importantly, finished a big chunk of my grad work. My final deadline is only 10 months away so I can actually see a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

I'm happier for it and - most importantly - Hayden now has a mom who plays in bed with her. I like to wake her up by drooling on her face at 7:30 AM and listening to her growl. It's fun! Try it with someone YOU love and listen to their cries of loving outrage!

But anyway, I'm back with a vengeance and with an i pod full of new songs. Spring has sprung and Korea truly is stunning in March and April. For those of you who stuck around for the past few weeks - thank you! For those of who worried - we're fine! And for those of you not in Korea - we wish you could be. It was me, not you. ~

Mew - saliva
Cibelle - green grass
The Ink Spots - java jive
Low - hatchet
Belle and Sebastian - my wandering days are over

Mystic Asian Crap??

"Sacred Heart of Mary", as dey says where I comes from.

It might have been a stoopid idea - me doing this quiz and actually trying to answer the questions honestly. Or maybe whoever made the quiz is just a Royal Jackass and I should forget about it. Yeah. Or maybe I should just thank my lucky stars that I'm not a soju drinker. I feel so tired suddenly. Anybody got any Happiness Quizzes?

The Mountain Goats - have to explode

You are 67% ready to get out of Korea

Book your departure flight immediately, then keep yourself tanked up on soju until you can get out of the country. It is people like you who see through the curtain of mystic Asian crap and explode unexpectedly. They know they are full of crap and do not need you to point it out to them. Go on and get out before you hurt yourself.

The "Is It Time To Get Out of Korea?" Quiz