Clichés and bad metaphors - avoid them like the plague

"Salvation, if it comes at all, will be conscious. Ignorance is not the road to wisdom. Sincerity of emotion will not be enough." Sappho in Art and Lies. - Jeanette Winterson

Every semester I teach an essay writing course and I try to impress upon my students the benefits of considering their audience; how the way they write (or what they write, or how much) depends somewhat on the people who are reading. This is not rocket science (which - funnily enough - is actually something some of my students study) but it's an important point nevertheless.

I obviously didn't follow my own advice when I wrote my last post because I've been flooded with emails from concerned people (some friends, some family, some people I've never actually met in person) who are wondering if I'm off to the divorce courts. Or what. An explanation is in order but now I'm left with the unsettling realization that because my audience consists of a eclectic mishmash of family, friends, acquaintances, frudents*, strangers, ex lovers and cyber pals - I'm not sure how to offer up my elucidation. Oh well. That'll teach me.

I'm not really looking for a new husband. My experiment in marriage has not ended yet - although when I wrote my last post I fully intended it to be a comment on the current state of affairs at chez woori. Without going too much into detail (which would obviously be tilted and biased in my favour and give away too much unauthorized information about the currently less-than-illustrious Mister Lee) I can certainly say that deep culture, personality clashes and possible biochemical issues have tarnished our sweet nuptial clan/plan. Or maybe we're both just assholes.

I'm not sure. Here is how I really see it in my head: you know those old 'Choose your Own Adventure' books? The ones where you had to make a choice to, say, fight the monster or run away? Turn back home or keep walking? Talk nicely to someone or show your anger? Turn the other cheek or pluck out someone's eye? Forgive and forget or ask someone to be accountable for their actions? In those books, each action takes you to a new page where you read some more and then are eventually faced with a new set of choices, and so on and so on, until you find yourself, choiceless, at the end of the book. Either happy or sad. Dead or alive. Sometimes, if you made the 'wrong' choices, the end would come after just 6 or 7 pages.

Well that's how I feel about the past 6 years. Six is such a small number but I think the illustrious Mister and I have just consistently made bad choices about how to deal with each other. We tried to make the best decisions each time a decision had to be made (be kind, fight back, defend, relent) but they were probably the wrong choices at just the wrong times. And so I think we're probably at the end of the book.

If this sounds maudlin please scroll to the end. If you'd like to know more, please keep reading.

Or something like that. Still, we aren't 100% sure about anything right now except that we love Hayden and want her to be happy. And that I feel pretty strongly that I may not make it to the 10 year mark in Korea. I have a so-called 'good job' for an EFL teacher but I feel dissatisfied in a way that I know isn't going to disappear by changing my syllabus or buying a new pair of shoes. Not that I can really afford new shoes on my 'good job' salary. That's another issue as well. Too many people/too many graduate courses/not enough money. I think that I might (with permission) just whisk Hayden away to the Middle East (or Canada or America or Hong Kong) for a year or two and make some money, teach some kids and get some perspective. Create a new paradigm or a philosophical system or something. Do my PhD. Make some small changes before deciding to add 'divorced' to my list of stunning accomplishments. Who knows.

So that's what is happening on the personal front. Things are bad but they aren't THAT bad. I still walk outside my apartment every day and think "god, those Acacia smell amazing" and "wow, look at that MOON! It's gorgeous". And sometimes the Mister and I catch ourselves laughing together at something Hayden has said or done and we forget that we hate each other. Maybe with some distance we can find more of those moments. Yes, gag me with a cliché.

That's all I have for today. I'm going to stay away from blogging about personal drama from now on and limit my posts to bitter tirades against the meat/dairy and cigarette industries, cleverly crafted snippets designed to convince you that my daughter is the cutest in the world, and more stuff about music and Korea (and perhaps even music in Korea). So there.

Werd outte! Songs for you:

MP3: Kate Nash - foundations
MP3: Caribou (fourtet remix)- melody day
MP3: Brighton MA - bet you never thought
MP3: Nina Gordon - lighter on the moon
MP3: Seabear - hands remember

* a frudent is half friend and half student. Like a centaur, but a bit different. They're usually grad students, but not always. Frudents have been causing a lot of passionate debate around here lately - and just last week I was publicly castigated for walking (long after sunset) with a male frudent. Shocking. I may blog about frudents sometime soon. Generally I'm in favour of them.
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