Let me say that I *like* Hayden's daycare. I guess you could say that we shopped around and chose our current 'nolibang' because the people seemed efficient, confident, loving and well-organised. They have first aid certificates and use hot water to wash little hands. They wear matching aprons and show their teeth when they smile at me. They didn't flinch when I told them that I rarely feed Hayden meat. For those of you in North America (or in countries where having, say, a vegetarian child is considered a viable option and not just a frivolous privilege or a demonstration of cruelty) you might not fully appreciate what a little gem we feel we've stumbled upon. When I asked them not to feed Hayden ham or processed meats they asked if we were Muslim. Bless their hearts. We aren't - but I almost wanted to convert just to reward their savvy. What else can I say? They feed goldfish. They 'take turns'. They have a piano and they aren't afraid to use it. Hayden seems happy, and she's learning.
She has already learned to bow (deeply and perfectly), she pretends to read books aloud and when she sees a pen lying around she promptly starts chewing on her bottom lip and scribbling like she's trying to write an equation to find the largest prime number. She calls every small person in her vicinity a "chingu". She performs songs and dances with such intricate hand motions and head rolls that Mister Lee and I have stopped trying to keep up. And this morning I watched her (independently) make a space on the floor with a little mat and then proceed to do exaggerated versions of yoga stretches and breathing. So cute!
But you know I have to put a but in here! But. I feel that putting Hayden in daycare has opened up a whole East Wing of Scary Doors and behind every one of them is a New Thing Hayden Must Learn. For Her Future. Before she started daycare we were content to read a few books and sing "Skinnamarink e-dink e-dink" a few times a day. If she got fussy she took a nap. She watched a bit of T.V and picked her nose. I didn't know that she was deprived. But now, just five weeks after starting daycare she is suddenly taller, smarter, more demanding - and requires a shocking arsenal of supplies just to get out the door each morning. Here is a (condensed) list of things Hayden needed before she could even start Day One:
play suit, indoor slippers, cooking apron and hat, book bag and lunch tray (printed with the 'school' logo), 2 stacks of A4 paper, crayons, markers, pencil leads, finger paints, coloured paper, sketch books, tape, a bag of diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, a three-page application form AND two passport sized photos.
And that's not all!
We were solemnly given a list of daily activities and times that each of these activities will take place. They follow these schedules very rigidly, as I learned one day when I showed up with a sleepy Hayden 15 minutes late. She may never remember the trauma of having missed 'mandu making' but I'm sure I'll carry the shame for a while. I was scolded! Small children frowned at me! Everybody's schedule was thrown off kilter! Tut tut tut! I had no idea. Honestly.
Baffled.
They give us a daily menu which describes the meals and the meal times and the nutritional information of each. And the country of origin. They use Korean cabbage, not Chinese. When I pick Hayden up in the evening they fill me in on all her daily activities (naps/appetite/bowel movements/peculiar antics and number of times she cried). Every Friday she comes home with a sheaf of papers in her schoolbag detailing the coming week's activities and the things that are required for her to participate: jogging suit one day, hygienic mask the next day, pink socks the next day, cooking uniform the next ... and so on.
Have I mentioned that she's only 22 months old? Or, 13 years, by Korean reckoning.
Grrr. Although the scrappy rebel in me (one who was raised by a stay-at-home cookie-baking Mom who's constant refrain was "just go outside and play") feels that all this rigidity and scheduled uniformity is bad I also have to admit that we don't really have a choice. I work and Mister Lee studies. And, also, we do believe that clean and organised is better than dirty and disorganised. Usually.
This is the part of parenting that I find really difficult: the heart-stopping fear that something - anything - bad will happen to my baby colliding with necessity and my own life goals. Hayden was wanted and needed - but I never intended to stay home with her all the time. I knew I wanted to work. But I also didn't anticipate how very scary it would be to relinquish her every morning into the arms of strangers. Or how consuming the worry and uncertainty would be: am I making the right choices? Does she have enough structure? Too much? Is she too young for all this activity? Should she even being doing yoga?? And the list goes on and on ...
This is one crazy ride.
Like most of my blog posts, I don't have an ending for this one. No answers, no solutions. Just questions and a song or two!
Here's hoping that Hayden stays happy and clever - but just a little bit rebellious.
Nelly Furtado - crazy (Gnarls Barkley cover)
Jay and the Americans - come a little bit closer
Outte!~
